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SCOTTeVEST and TEC Acquired for $100 Million!
 Chicago-based Jordan Global Enterprises (JGE), a venture capital firm with diversified holdings, has acquired controlling interests in SCOTTeVEST LLC (SeV) and Technology Enabled Clothing LLC (TEC). The deal was consummated today in all stock deal valued at over $100 million. Jordan Global Enterprises divested itself of large interests in Microsoft, General Electric and other leading companies to acquire SeV and TEC... 
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Former SeV Employee of the Month Goes Berserk
Kelly Adoggie, the only three-time winner of the prestigious SCOTTeVEST Employee of the Month Award, has gone berserk. Recent reports indicate the toy poodle is barking mad and has rampaged its way through the Jordan household. Tired of its chew toys, Kelly has moved up the food chain to furniture. To quell this growing problem, a desperate Scott has considered everything from Doggie hypnosis to cutting wolverine meat from Kelly's diet...
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Employee of the Month
 Kelly's tantrums (see story above) have opened the door for someone new to wrestle the SCOTTeVEST Employee of the Month title from her. Meet Rob Blackstien [Editor's Note: the photo was taken prior to a recent operation Mr. Blackstien underwent; his nose is much smaller now]. The alleged brains behind this very newsletter, Rob, in a former life was a journalist for the now defunct publication Channel Business. While still at CBiz he got to know Scott...
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Our Beloved Rebecca
 Faithful readers of TEC News are always asking us, "Where's Rebecca?" or "Why don't you run more pics of Rebecca?" Rebecca, for those of you fresh off the boat, is Ms. Scott, former Playboy Bunny of the Month, and former SCOTTeVEST flogger (no, we don't mean she flogged Scott, although we're sure he asked her to). Since completing her association with SeV, Rebecca has gone on to bigger, although not necessarily better, things. Late last year, she appeared in X... |
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On the IBM Front
 Last year, SCOTTeVEST was embroiled in a bitter struggle with IBM that threatened our very existence. It seems they took exception to our use of the letter "e" in our logo, presuming that the general public would somehow mistake a personal computer for an eVEST. IBM obviously doesn't give the public much credit. And so it was that the new SCOTTeVEST logo was born, and the old version became a collector's item. Now, however, the tables have been turned...
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Get Yours Yet?
 What's that? You haven't got a Sport TEC yet? Why not? The clock is ticking, as we're almost sold out. Just 700 remain of this gem of an eVEST, also known as the eVEST formerly known as Sport Lite. With its Coolmax interior to help keep you cool as the weather heats up, the timing is perfect to get one now...
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SeV a Big Hit at CTIA
 SCOTTeVEST recently made another appearance at the Cellular Telecommunications & Internet Association (CTIA) Wireless show this year. Held in New Orleans last month, CTIA was highlighted by a real step-up in participation this year by Scott Jordan. In addition to emceeing the opening ceremonies, Scott was asked to sit on a panel called "Play Hard" to discuss how mobile/wireless/wearable technologies and technology-enabled garments are affecting the way we go about enjoying our leisure time. In addition, SeV announced Version X, a collaborative version of the eVEST with Foster Miller.
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A Note from Scott
 I feel humbled by the fact that during this time of turmoil in the world we have been able to overcome the odds and become successful. We would like to send a special message of thanks to our soldiers who are bravely defending our freedom at home and abroad.
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 President George Bush has ordered all Secret Service and CIA agents to wear SCOTTeVESTs. "We'll show Iraq who the civilized country is around here," he said.
 Bluetooth has finally seen the light and admitted that, compared to the Personal Area Network from Technology Enabled Clothing, its solution is still in the days of gold punch cards. In a recent press release, they've disbanded the Bluetooth protocol.
 Crime Scene Investigation (CSI), the hottest show in TV land, plans to employ the SCOTTeVEST. "It's perfect for storing forensic evidence, so it makes sense to outfit our agents in SeVs," says a show producer.
 Hell's Angels have adopted the Signature Leather SCOTTeVEST as its new official outfit. "Mom" tattoos are not included.
 Scott Jordan, known for beating the stuffing out of Porsches in his MINI, has revealed the SeV MINI secret. "It has a Formula One engine in it," he sheepingly admitted. Porsche is demanding a rematch and now Team Lada wants in on the action, too.
 The American Backpack Manufacturers Union is up in arms over the success of the SCOTTeVEST, claiming that soon no one will need its products anymore. "We have no use anymore," lamented a high ranking union official. "Why carry a backpack when it will all fit in your SCOTTeVEST?"
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 It was reported recently that an SeV owner in Tacoma, Wash., spent three days trying to find his keys. He put them in his SeV and could hear them jingling around, but he had to go through every pocket before he located them.
 Fox announced SeV Island, a new reality TV Show coming this fall, where contestants, given nothing but SCOTTeVESTs with their choice of contents, must brave the elements and the polar bears, trying to survive on an island off the coast of Newfoundland.
 SeV announced plans for the Golden Parachute Version, a new eVEST that will include a built-in parachute. Ideal for high powered executives when the stock market plummets.
 The very first generation of SCOTTeVEST, Version 0.5, thought to be lost to the world forever, was recently discovered in a remote area of New Mexico. Exact location details and specifics of who was wearing the eVEST are classified, according to the FBI.
 Scott Jordan has been nominated for the Humanitarian Nobel Prize by the Computer Nerds Association. "It's our way of thanking Scott for making us cool," said a CNA spokesperson.
 Producers of the upcoming Batman movie, Batman V, have been studying the SCOTTeVEST as a model to base a redesigned utility belt for Batman. The co-marketing opportunities could result in a shark repellent pocket in the next version of the SeV.
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