Chicago-based Jordan Global Enterprises (JGE), a venture capital firm with diversified holdings, has acquired controlling interests in SCOTTeVEST LLC (SeV) and Technology Enabled Clothing LLC (TEC). The deal was consummated today in all stock deal valued at over $100 million. Jordan Global Enterprises divested itself of large interests in Microsoft, General Electric and other leading companies to acquire SeV and TEC.

According to Scott Jordan, President/CEO of JGE, “We have been watching SeV and TEC for awhile. We believe that the patent pending Personal Area Network (P.A.N.) will be incorporated into all upper body garments in coming years, making this a billion dollar proposition. We believe the purchase price of $100 million is a bargain.” Jordan cited SeV’s huge growth earnings – over 1,500 percent increase in revenue last year – as another asset that made the company an attractive buy. “We were drawn to its great earning potential.”

Former Playboy Bunny (August 1999) and SeV spokesmodel, Rebecca Scott, has been appointed CEO of SeV. Believed by some to be an unusual move, Jordan explains that he has been watching Rebecca for some time and can easily see her in this position, among others. Jordan said, “She belongs on top. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would find someone with her attributes. She is a dream come true.”

In another unprecedented move, SeV Marketing Director, Kelly Adoggi, has been named CEO of TEC. Kelly describes her position of top dog of TEC as, “a real treat.” While she declined to comment on her plans for the company, industry observers will be keeping a close eye on her. Kelly is a controversial choice. While praised for her ability to take the ball and run with it, she also has a reputation for barking out orders. The combination has made her somewhat of a lone wolf in the corporate world. Jordan, shrugs off any criticism of Kelly, saying that, “her bark is bigger than her bite.”

While some question the timing of this merger, Jordan claims that the timing of the announcement is of the utmost importance. Stealing a look at his calendar, Jordan went on to say that, “opportunities like this are rare. They tend to happen only once a year.”

GOTCHA! Disclaimer: Many of the stories contained in this newsletter have no basis in fact and any resemblance to actual people, facts or events is purely coincidental. Happy April Fools Day!

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